Shitty ex’s
I’ve learnt something new this week. Forgive me as it’s a little foul mouthed. It’s that shitty clients make for even shittier ex-clients. Seems obvious but I hadn’t fully appreciated it until now. Apparently, I’m not the first to have this epiphany because there’s an interview where Gerry Hussey says “shitty people, with shitty beliefs, tell you shitty stories to justify their shitty actions”.
Without sounding ‘ranty’ my absurd situation came about when a B-client (yes, we rank our clients from A to C) decided to depart and became fully unhinged when our standard departure procedure was initiated. They sent biblical length emails, highly charged with emotion, contradictions and attacks. Then, in true Dunning-Kruger style, they started handing out advice we hadn’t asked for. Part of me sees this overblown reaction as compliment. They must’ve felt so thoroughly loved that it hurt when we turned off the spotlight.
Most business owners have experienced something similar. A luxury hotel owner told me departing guests occasionally expect their high-end hospitality and access to continue long after checkout. It’s not entirely dissimilar to the insanity of cruise ship passengers booking internal cabins only to leave hateful reviews about the lack of windows. Speaking of bad reviews, my favourite is a diner whining about the restaurant being full of “midgets”. Turns out he wasn’t a politically incorrect redneck. He’d simply made a hilarious error spelling “midges”.
But I digress. The point of this article (apart from sneaking in some slightly sweary words) is to share empathy with any of you going through something similar and to offer some insights into dealing with unrealistic ex-client expectations.
As a young manager, at one of the giant sterile accounting firms, I was taught to first cool the situation by starting with “sorry you feel that way” even though the firm wasn’t in the least bit sorry.
Never give them a reason not to pay. This means sticking to boundaries and normal processes. Bending to criticism, and veering outside your normal process, may trap you in unfamiliar territory.
“Did their dog die today?” is something an old mentor of mine droned on about but that mindset can diffuse heated interactions.
Pause and give it 24 hours before replying to nasty emails or texts.
Avoid replying to unfair attacks or criticisms. There’s no point defending accusations because they won’t want to hear it. They’re likely to hone in on tiny parts of your defense and drag you down a rabbit hole of pointless ramblings.
When you reply, stick to facts and avoid emotion. Keep that old quote in mind about ‘never arguing with an idiot because they’ll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience’.
Perhaps ask legal or financial experts to step in. Two extremely successful business owners I very much admire, tell me they always go in hard and fast with the first legal letter.
Avoid isolating yourself and find a safe mentor, coach, or peer to safely vent to. Keep venting away from current clients and staff (or your blog, ha ha).
Protect your mental health and consider any potential issues your ex-client may have. Perhaps politely ask if they’re ok, but no more. Substance abuse may be fuelling their crazed behaviour, as my former boss discovered when a disgruntled ex-client arrived at the office with a gun.
Seriously consider putting a formal departure procedure in place. It’s smart to pop it on your website and include a copy with your onboarding pack.
Finally, raise your protective shield (wonder-woman-style) and shift your energy to your next project. Like us, you probably have a waitlist of wonderful people, excited to work with you. And remember these situations are a normal part of commerce, a microscopic poopy part.
© 2026 Boutique Financial Limited - Chartered Accountants Auckland